By: Shirani Alfreds
Just before New Years Eve, there was this photo-phrase people were forwarding on Wechat that never failed to crack me up: “I’m opening a gym called “Resolutions”. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks and then it turns into a bar for the rest of the year.” It cracked me up because not only were the senders always (ok mostly) questionable alcoholics at best, but it captured the essence of the enthusiasm with which New Years resolutions are made, and how easily they give way to ‘reality’ soon after. (By the way, for tips on how to realistically make and keep 2016 resolutions see this article!).
Because the photo-phrase encapsulated this so clearly for me, I made a resolution early on not to stress about resolutions and not to make them. Normally I’d hem and haw before coming up with something I should be doing, and make a genuine effort towards it, but this would peter out by mid-year if not earlier. Given that, and our fresh move to Shanghai, I decided that I would go into 2016 embracing it with a blank slate, free of expectations or self-inflicted pressures such as going to the gym on 1 January 2016 (though I did go for a run, yay me!) or to do something I didn’t really want to do. How liberating yet lazy of me right? Wrong. Ok the lazy part is true, but not setting resolutions this year was actually more liberating in a way I didn’t expect - I learnt the all-important difference between resolutions and goals. This may not be news to some of you but it was ground breaking for me as I now know how to manage 2016 and beyond! Resolutions are to alter a (mostly) bad behaviour, whereas goals are setting a positive and achievable target to accomplish. Put another way, a resolution is a decision or determination to do something ongoing whereas a goal is the result toward which effort is directed. There is finality in the latter once the goal is achieved, but the former may not have any ending, which in itself probably sets you up for failure. An example could be “I want to eat healthier in 2016” vs. “I’m not going to eat out for the whole month of January”. The first is general and the second is specific and sets a clearer target including putting you well on the path towards achieving the first. Capiche?
Well, that explanation worked for me anyways. It also meant that I had to revise my initial resolution (which was to not have any resolutions) and admit that I was not only lazy, but probably a little narcissistic. What kind of person doesn’t have anything they want to change about themselves?! (That explains the weird stares I got when I told people I had a resolution for not making resolutions.) Please put that down to me being overwhelmed.
The point is, now instead of resolutions for a new year, I will set goals. I feel much better about this as a time-frame may be set, and concrete steps taken towards it. For instance, I intend to lose my ‘winter coat’ weight/holiday weight in three weeks. This entails running or working out every other day - a realistic time frame I’ve set within my time limitations. (Hey, I could have said ‘work out everyday’ but we all know I have a life and that’s not going to happen). I haven’t for instance, set a goal like “I will not get angry and hit the roof with my children” but I will say that “I will count to ten before I erupt all over the place like Mount Vesuvius”. This I can even do in Mandarin. Lucky them. So now you get it? That’s my 2016 - a whole new era! You even have it in writing.
