Meet our new blogger Rachelle Blasingame aka Power Mom: From Single to Married in Shanghai
I naively used to think that being a single expat in China and going on blind dates were a fun way to meet new people. What’s not to love? I’d go out to eat instead of ordering Sherpas and actually wear a dress instead of my usual “professional attire” which consists of an outfit deemed so unsexy, even my male boss joked, “I always forget you’re a woman”. I did not laugh. Still don’t.
I have found something much worse now that I am married. Worse than trying to hail a taxi on a Friday evening at 5:00 pm. Worse than having my VPN stop working for no apparent reason. Even worse than my Ayi calling in sick. I have now had a learning experience (and not in an “I learned a new way to make dumplings"-experience, but rather an “I learned that when people say having a baby is actual labor; it is in fact because it is labor”-way).
I digress. Present day. So my newly married spouse and I sit in our apartment with our 2-year-old son most nights; I mean all nights. I work way too much and quite frankly, I don’t have time to make friends in Shanghai (I am not one of those people who exclaim, “you make time for what you wanna make time for!" No, really... I have NO time.)
Yet, I know my husband and I need some social interaction with other expats, so I recently embarked on joining lots of Expat sites (mainly on Facebook, because that is still my one addiction I’d rather not give up yet. That and a nice glass of Chardonnay). My husband and I started chatting with another couple from the USA like us. Children like us. She, a “high power business woman of sorts”, like me. Him, a stay-at-home-dad like my husband.
We “courted” each other quite a while on the phone and on WeChat, asked all the questions one does when looking for a “date”. Questions like, “what do you love about living in China?”, “where do you like to go eat?”, “oh my, your husband plays guitar too?!” We must be soul mates. I even asked what their astrological signs were. I know... pure desperation for some karmic force ensuring me this was “The Couple”.
I envisioned the four of us having nights out sans kids, laughing, drinking wine and then spending next Christmas together because neither one of us could afford to travel home for the holidays.
So, we all decided to have our first date at Liquid Laundry and bring the kids (which actually was fine with me (kids can be a great escape route when needed, like when I used to be single and have my best friend call me 5 minutes into a blind date to tell me an emergency had happened and I had to leave. Now.)
We all met outside and her children had baked my son cupcakes. We kissed on the cheek as though we were meeting up from not seeing each other for years. We were all in our 30’s and seemingly appeared to have a fighting chance at a successful first blind expat couple date.
Then we sat down. I did not like Liquid Laundry for our first date; but I sucked it up none the less. Pizza it was, I suppose. Then the misery began. She immediately gave her boring account of how much money she earns, how big her house is, her live-in Ayi (and I think she said that 5 times). Did she mention she had a live in Ayi? Oh, and I take taxis? Total travesty, because of course she has a driver.
Now in the scheme of things, none of this matters. I have a part time Ayi too. I don’t need a driver and I’m certainly not going to talk about my finances with some woman I just met. But we laughed and smiled and made plans for the next day so the kids could go swimming at my house. We took pictures to post on Facebook to share (ok, fine, to document publicly that I do have friends in China). And the next morning, they called to say they were sick and could not make swimming and we haven’t heard from them since. Oh and those Facebook pics I posted, she promptly took them down (even though she swore to me, “I’m never on Facebook, I am simply too busy”).
Yet, as men always seem to be able to (I don’t know how), they hit it off. Well, good for the hubbies. They may both have a new friend. I on the other hand, am taking a break from expat couple blind dating for a while.
Unless you like wine tasting, dancing and are either a Taurus or Virgo; then we may try again.
