From a father and educator’s perspective, Leonard Stanley is here to give you some advice – whether it’s questions about school, your teenager, family life, expat life or if you just need a dad’s point of view. In Advice from Dad, he answers your tough questions and gets a parent’s perspective.
Organization is an essential element to every well-run home. With that being said, the establishment of family routines is one of the most significant concepts for parents to understand. Once mastered, it has the potential to ease stress and provide the necessary balance and tranquility for a harmonious household. So, with that in mind I thought I would address, from my experience, the issue of why routines are important and how best to implement them.
Routines simultaneously provide advantages for both children and parents. A solid and consistent schedule will help your child understand what is important and in need of prioritization, while allowing them to feel like valued contributors to the way in which the household is run. As younger children are yet to fully comprehend the concept of time, they tend to live their lives by events that happen and the order in which they occur. With consistency, children feel secure in their understanding of how society operates, and as a result, they are more confident and better prepared to deal with the world around them. Moreover, it is an effective strategy for teaching discipline, responsibility and self-control. Children do not have an enormous amount of influence over their day-to-day activities, however routines provide them with a sense of comfort and stability that would otherwise be lacking.
Parents need routines too. It is a mistake to believe that only your child stands to benefit from a well-planned, efficient and effective schedule. I believe we have just as much, if not more, to gain from bringing order to our households. For starters, a regular and consistent routine can help you feel as though you are excelling as a parent. The fast pace of Shanghai can be difficult to manage, yet with an established routine, you will feel more organized and in control, resulting in lower levels of stress. Furthermore, routines often free us from having to resolve disputes and make decisions. No more worrying about whose turn it is to do what. Lastly, an effective routine communicates togetherness as ideally, parents should present themselves as unified and equally invested in their child’s development. If parents aren’t on the same page regarding certain aspects of a child’s life, the child may at times sense the lack of leadership and take full advantage.
The first step to implementing a successful routine is to identify what I call the ‘swing times.’ Swing times are periods in the day where major transitions take place. The big three swing times for school aged children are; waking up in the morning, coming home after a long day at school and settling down at night before bedtime. It is during these moments you need to hoax your child into transitioning from an activity that they may be enjoying, to something different that may or may not be as entertaining. While getting your children up and putting them to bed are often the most challenging times of day, they are also the most important. A good sleeping schedule is directly related to attitude and behavior management.
The next step is to start slowly with manageable tasks and expectations that you can have your child execute during these swing times. Then, as they are mastered, you can begin to add to them if necessary. Look for creative ways to involve your child in the routine creation process. Try and make it engaging by getting them to first identify the swing times and list the things that need to be done. After that, together you can agree on how those things will be completed, who will do them, and when. This way, your child feels like they have contributed to the schedule and understand the expectations.
Finally, with all this planning, don’t lose sight of the fact that children still need time to be kids. So, while you aim to establish and maintain order, also keep some freedom and flexibility in there, too. As I believe, spontaneity and creativity are just as vital as order and consistency.
Leonard Stanley was born and raised in Washington D.C., and has lived in Shanghai since 2009 with his wife and two young children Kyle (12) and Christopher (8). Leonard teaches Theory of Knowledge as well as Language & Literature at the Western International School of Shanghai.
Do you have a question for Leonard? Email urbanfamily@urbanatomy.com for your question to be answered in the next column.
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