二哈：宠物界的喜剧之王
Huskie: King of Comedy in the Pet World
哈士奇在狗子界几乎一出道就是谐星，它时而是凶狠的拆家大队长，时而沦为彻底的表情包，被赐予一个高度标志性的名号“二哈”。
In the pet world, Husky is an inborn comedian so long as he gets his start. He is at times a fierce captain of the demolition team, or at other times turns decadent into a pack of emoji. That’s why he is given a highly iconic name ‘Er Ha’ (literally, idiotic dog).
有它们的地方就有传奇，即便是在宠物界，二哈也完全不按套路出牌。它们的智障没有下限，而它们的作死，同样也没有上限。
Wherever you find him, you find legends. Even in the pet world, ‘Er Ha’ never follows the rules. His IQ has no lower limit, likewise, no upper limit if he intends to look for troubles.
只有哈士奇敢拆警察局
Only Husky has the guts to demolish the police station
二哈热情活泼、性情温顺，铲屎官们常常被萌出姨母笑。但是这种狗却有个致命的缺点—爱拆家。只要是二哈所在的地方，就没有什么东西可以躲过那残忍的獠牙。
‘Er Ha’ is an enthusiastic gentleman, even the poop-pickers can ooze some sappy smiles. This kind of dog, however, has a deadly flaw – he likes to demolish the home! Wherever he has haunted, nothing can survive his brutal tusks.
咬沙发只是一种很基础的嘴皮子游戏。每周都得换家具的生活，家具店的老板可能很快变成你最亲的亲人。
Biting sofa is a very basic teeth-exercising game. If furniture needs to be changed every week, the most immediately relative of yours will soon be the owner of the furniture store.
有时候，他会比你的老婆更先一步找到你的私房钱，并让你晚上就产生炖狗肉汤的冲动。
Sometimes, he can be earlier than your wife to find your secret money, driving you carzy just wanting to cook him for the dinner soup.
养二哈的铲屎官基本也就告别豪车了，除非你豪车的座椅可以是用要不碎的砖头做的。
Those who raise ‘Er Ha’ will not have the chance for luxury car, unless the car seats are made of unbroken bricks.
面对二哈，只有很少的时间是岁月静好的。大多数时间，主人不是在崩溃，就是在崩溃的路上，而惩罚哈士奇，就得变成捆绑封印大师。
Facing him, your times for a momentary peace are even less. More often than not, you are either collapsed or on the verge of it, and to punish him, you need an old hand to assist you in binding and sealing.
不要低估二哈的胆识，他永远都坚持着一颗初心，就算到了警察局也能施展铁碎牙的本事。湖南长沙一位市民在路上捡到一只哈士奇，好心将它送到了派出所，没有想到这只哈士奇不辱没它拆家小分队队长的称号，连警察局也照拆不误。
Never underestimate the audacity of ‘Er Ha’. He will forever keep his untamed inchoation, exercising his iron-crushing teeth. A citizen of Hunan happened to find a stray dog and brought it to the police station, but it didn’t occur to him this Husky did no way to disgrace his reputation as the captain of demolition, for which he did faithfully fulfil his job.
民警们将它拴好之后就放心地出去了。然而当民警们执行公务回来，之间警察局的垃圾桶倒在一边，很多档案文件都被二哈咬碎，地上到处都是纸屑和垃圾。
The police left the station after tethering him properly. But, when they came back, all they saw were scattering trash cans and shattered files all over the place.
确认过眼神，这只就是二哈绝对纯。
His eyesight is confirmed, purebred husky!
警察叔叔也无力吐槽，难怪你主子把你弄丢了，多养几天房子都拆塌了。
Even the police felt speechless – no wonder you master lost you, or in a few more days, you could have pulled down the whole house.
成都市民捡到一只走失的“二哈”，并送往了派出所。狗狗丝毫没有与主人分离的痛苦，一到派出所就秒变吃货。“不知道要吃好多才喂得饱，反正只吃肉。”
A citizen in Chengdu found a stray husky and sent it to the police station. The dog showed no misery abandoned by his master. Hardly had he arrived when he turned himself into a foodie. “We have no idea how much he can eat, and he only eats meat,” said the police.
警察蜀黍表示饲养能力有限，而且二哈的放飞性子，也当不了警犬，只好求助善良市民可以领走这烧钱的玩意儿，不然派出所要被“吃垮”了。
The police explained that due to limited feeding capacity and his undisciplined personality, ‘Er Ha’ can never be a patrol dog. The only thing they can do was to seek help from any good citizen who may adopt this money-burning rogue, or otherwise, the police station would go ‘bankrupt’.
农村哈士奇，多么让人窒息
How suffocating is the rural husky
城里的哈士奇，个个被宠得跟个小王子似的。但是其实他们和中华田园犬，农村土狗的距离也并不遥远，只需要经过三日驯养，外加剩菜剩饭粗粮的喂食。
Huskies in town are pampered like little princes, but actually they are not much different than Chinese rural dogs who can be domesticated by a three-day training plus leftover foods.
城里的主子们天天抱怨着二哈们“拆家”，却根本预料不到当二哈下乡之后，骚操作远比“拆家”让人窒息。很可能会把整个村的狗子智商拉低，带领他们走向智障新的下限。
Owners in town often grudge against those home-damaging huskies, but they won’t be able to know their restlessness in the country is far more suffocating. They might drag down the overall IQ level of the dogs in the village, leading them to a new lower limit toward intellectual disabilities.
在农村白米饭和顿顿红烧肉的养育下，哈士奇可以用最快的速度变成哈士佩奇。
Fed with plenty of boiled milled rice and bouilli, ‘Er Ha’ can be huskie-peppa very quickly.
仗着自己的放养宠物的属性，一有空就嘚瑟挑衅着后院猪圈里的大兄弟们，你瞪着我我瞪着你笑嘻嘻。
Thanks to his own attribute as a free-range pet, he would, whenever there is a chance, provoke triumphantly those big brothers in the pigsty at the backyard, staring and laughing foolishly at one another.
摆脱狗链子的二哈好像第一次拥有了腿，菜园子花田玉米地，都是他们拼命踩踏的天地。
Unchained ‘Er Ha’ will appear to be like as if he were given legs for the very first time, trampling as much as he can in the fields of vegetables, corns and flowers.
没有任何目的性的在泥潭里转圈圈，用欢脱悦动的身姿，诠释着智障的自我放逐。
Turning round and round in mud out of no purpose, his hilarious moves annotate a kind of retardedly imposed self-exile.
主人们有时候欣赏他浑身健美的狗肉，给他套上家伙，靠他灵活的刨土功夫，给庄稼松松土。
Owners sometimes do appreciate his robust muscles by collaring him with a kind of prolonge so that he may help loosen the soil by his flexible plowing strength.
他还能代替小马哥，变身黄包车夫，分不清是人溜狗，还是狗溜人。
He is also a good stand-in for the horse, a rickshaw man, but you won’t be able to tell the difference whether you walk the dog, or the dog walks you.
邻居家的三只鸡一只鸭，变成了二哈的大玩具，但哪天不开心可能就会把对方当成肯德基啃起来。
Three roosters and a duck of the neighbor are big toys of ‘Er Ha’ who, if one day he is unhappy, might gnaw up them as Kentucky.
吃鸡了
它们可以在任何地方挖洞挖坑，有时候，就连宅基地也可以挖穿。
Time to eat chicken.
He may dig a hole anywhere anytime. He may even dig through the curtilage at times.
哪有有洞，哪里就是他们的C位。没有想到主人维护了60年的古董老宅，很可能养两天二哈就可以彻底坍塌。
Wherever there is a hole, there is a center position for them. The antique building that the owner has been maintained for over six decades might be destroyed by a two-day raise of ‘Er Ha’.
对自己格斗能力充满了高估，挑衅着高地之王山羊君。
With overestimated fighting ability, he is now provoking Mr. Goat, the king of heights.
爬墙上房是他们放荡不羁的最佳Pose，他们勇于玩人间失踪，变身狗肉监视器，在房顶上让主人在地面发疯！
The best pose for them to sow a few wild oats is to climb up to the rooftop. They play ghosting, turn themselves into dog surveillance camera and drive their owner nuts down there!
有时候他们又会变成翻版泰迪，朴实的农村土狗们动不动就受到欺负。
Sometimes they become Teddy replicas, bullying honest rural dogs every once in a while.
为了防止哈士奇拆村儿，跟着主人出门总是以一种奇特的方式。
To prevent husky from destroying the whole village, he will go out with his owner in a peculiar way
被嫌弃的二哈，有种伪狼叫哈士奇
The detested ‘Er Ha’, a fake wolf named Husky
哈士奇还是狗子界的伪装大佬。威风凛凛的外貌极易引起误会，如果恰好忘记携带宠物狗链，又出现在牲口棚附近觅食，很有可能就会被当成狼乱棍揍死。
Husky is a big potato of mimicry in the doggy kingdom. His overbearing appearance can easily be mistaken as a wolf. If he forgets his pet chain, and happens to look for some food near a barn, it is highly possible he would be beaten to death by rampaging cudgels.
山东地区就曾经击毙一只疑似狼的动物，但随后就有村民称，事发当天自家丢了一只哈士奇。
There was an animal killed in Shandong Province after it was suspected as a wolf, and later a villager said he lost his husky on the day of the incident.
从外形上看，这的确是异父异母的亲兄弟.....
Judging by the appearance, they are really siblings …
野狼与哈士奇
Wolf and Husky
二哈们还有一重伪装身份，驴，进理发店的时候杀马特，出来的时候就变成了驴......
‘Er Ha’ has another identity in disguise, the donkey! He looked smart, but after haircut, he became an ass …
随着毛发的减少，哈士奇身体隐藏的驴子，逐渐显露出来。只要狗毛剃光，就可以和真正的驴子们肩并肩。
After dropping of hairs, the donkey once hidden inside his will be revealed. If all dog hairs shaved, he can walk with real donkeys side by side.
面对哈士奇的顽劣和任性，有时候你的脑海中会响起抖音上那个恐怖的旋律：狗肉汤就是用狗肉炖成的汤。在狗肉汤饭店，所有的狗肉汤都是当天的新鲜肉一天一炖，没有老汤.........
Facing this wayward and disobedient pooch, that horrendous melody in Tik Tok starts ringing in your mind: Dog Stew is a soup stewed with dog meat. In a dog stew eatery, all soups are stewed with fresh meat of the day, and no long-used soup …
总之，不管它在你的视线外，还是视线内，它创造“惊喜”的能力都是S级，它的蠢萌 可爱背后，满满的都是刷卡烧钱的滴滴声。当你拥有一只哈士奇，就注定要为他的一切行为背锅。
Anyway, whether he is in-or-out-of-sight, the ‘surprise’ he can make is on a super level. Behind all this dorky adorability are the beeping sounds of swiping your cards. When you own a husky, you are doomed to be a scapegoat for all his acts.
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[中文原文及图像来源：男人装]
