Let’s Talk About Sex

For some parents it may be a conversation we dread to bring up with our kids, for others we embrace it. In either case we know it’s important to educate our children about sex.

A common question parents may have is “at what age do I start talking to my children about sex?”. The younger, the better. Why? “If you talk about sexual matters from the beginning of a child's use of language, there never needs to be the big birds and bees talk. It’s all just a series of small conversations spread out over many years. You, as the parent, become the obvious go-to person whenever there's a question. If you become an "askable" parent, you will have offered your child an incredibly valuable gift.” Your child will become naturally curious about his or her body as they grow older allowing for many opportunities to educate them. For young children, you can start by teaching them the names of their body parts or asking if they know why girls and boys look different.

If you get uncomfortable, try your best to forge ahead. Consider that you are a setting the stage for open, honest discussions with your child. If you aren’t open and honest they may become reluctant to ask you for advice in the future and will be more likely to turn to their peers for questions.

Remember that when we talk to our children about sex, it’s a good idea to keep our conversation age appropriate. When you provide age appropriate information it’s easier for them to understand.

Also, if you haven’t talked about sexuality with your children yet - don’t worry! It’s never too late to open that door. Remember that the most important thing is to be open and available whenever your child wants to talk.

According to Planned Parenthood here are some tips when talking to your children about the birds and the bees:

Try to find out what is really being asked. What seems like a straightforward question might not be. To find out the true nature of the question, we might ask, “What have you heard about that?” “What do you think about that?” or “Can you tell me what you already know about that?”

Don’t answer with too much information. We can keep answers short and simple and explain new words that our children might not have heard before. After giving an answer, we might encourage our kids to ask us follow-up questions by asking, “Is there anything else you would like to know?”

Check their understanding. After answering a question, we can ask, “Does that answer your question?” 

Some parents worry that they won’t know the answers to their children’s questions. It’s perfectly fine not to know something, or not to have an immediate answer. One of the best ways we can teach our kids about sexuality is to find the answers together and then talk about what we’ve learned. Seeking out information together in books, online, or by asking others can help build a respectful and trusting relationship, as well as model how our kids can seek answers on their own.

In addition to having open, honest conversations about sex it’s a good idea to have books around the house that your children can freely access. This is particularly the case for teenagers who tend to be more private as they go through puberty. 

Here are some recommendations:

It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health by Robie Harris.

It's So Amazing: A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families by Robie Harris.

Sex and Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex by Deborah Roffman.

Sex, Puberty, and All That Stuff: A Guide to Growing Up by Jacqui Bailey

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