Sometimes I feel like my internet connection is an angry girlfriend who screams “I’LL TEACH YOU TO LEAVE ME ALL ALONE!” when I go home for the summer. I swear every time I go on vacation I come back to an internet connection that has just given up on life.
One of the best things about going home is that I get to take part in so much awesome fast internet. That means catching up on Netflix, watching youtube, posting non-stop on Facebook, and generally ignoring my children. This year I made it my mission after the kids were asleep to catch up on all of the movies that I promised myself I would watch one day. These included Cider House Rules, Never Let Me Go, and Howard the Duck (that admittedly I’ve watched before…but I love it! And you can never take that away from me “worst moves ever” top 10 lists!). To say that I was spoiled with my internet usage was an understatement. For the first few days I found myself turning on my VPN out of habit until realizing I didn't need that anymore because I wasn't surrounded by the Great Firewall of China for once. FREE AT LAST!!
Most of the time I just want to throw an epic tantrum worthy of my 2 year old when the internet slows down to a crawl here. I try to remember that I now live in a country that holds roughly 20% of the whole world’s population and they’re all fighting for a piece of the web. All those people connecting in some way or another combined with the government censoring everything from Google to articles about what the government censors (so you can’t even find out exactly what they’re censoring!) is bound to slow things down. Keeping this in mind, it doesn’t make me more rational when I'm watching my gmail saying “still waiting” while trying to send JUST ONE email before 1am! Instead there I am screaming “C’MON!!!” at my screen as minutes turn into hours.
It wasn't until I tried to load Taobao in the middle of the night while fighting off fierce jet lag (online spending of Ben’s money usually sends me happily back into dreamland) that I realized I had met my internet breaking point. Not one single glorious image while arbitrarily searching for “Ghostbusters” showed up.
So what am I to do? Quit the internet cold turkey? Take up an instrument? I’m way more inclined to try to make bunny ears antennae out of tinfoil and attach it to my modem to see if that makes any difference. Which it probably will because as you also know by living here that sometimes the most ridiculous solution in China turns out to be the best one. All I know is that something needs to be done soon because the fall TV schedule is about to start and I’ll be damned if I have to wait for boxsets to watch my stories!
So I’ll sit here and hit refresh until something gives. Maybe most of you will lose interest after coming back from holiday, settle into your routine of Chinese living and forget all about the internet - leaving more room for me to stream. I guess the only downside to you all ignoring the internet is that you probably won’t read this…oh well I still call it a win. Now get off my internet so I can stream all the episodes of Orange is the New Black.
xoNiki
