I’m not sure if this happens to everyone but you know how sometimes you go on holiday and it’s not a holiday because you rush around meeting people? You end up needing a holiday from your holiday because you’re so exhausted. A few years ago I got wise(r) and started ‘sifting’ my obligations, deciding only to meet people I’d maintained actual relationships with (not counting Facebook, but yeah I’d take WhatsApp). Sadly I found that this number dwindled quickly given I’ve been away for about thirteen years. I’m okay with that (being an introvert) but I fear that if this number dwindles even more, I’ll become a hermit.
Now, there ain’t anything wrong with being a hermit (if that’s what you want), but I have a personal fear of being a SAHM (who works from home) and a hermit. With this combination I might as well stick my head in a hole and commence ‘ostrich parenting’ (viz: someone who isn’t connected with the ‘real world’ and thinks everything should operate the way it did ‘way back when’). Not Doing That, as all this results is your tween/teen/young adult not telling you stuff because they think you’re so stuck in the …’80’s (yes I know I’ve given away my age but the 80’s rocked!). That’s a discussion for another time though.
An unfortunate result of this ‘sifting’, is that if I decided not to catch up with a person on one trip, I’m less inclined to do so on the next trip. Pretty soon, the relationship becomes non-existent. (It also became non-existent because they’d see all of your activities on Facebook with other people and be pissy and disgruntled you didn’t make time for them). So what’s the solution?
The answer I believe, is evolution and acceptance. Like it or not, friendships evolve for better or worse - kind of like marriage. Some get better with age, and some get separated. The ‘me’ ten years ago ‘BC’ (Before Children) would have hated that I’ve had to separate with some friendships simply because family has become a priority. (I used to be one of those people who swore I’d never change after marriage or children). The reality is though that now, the people I have maintained close relationships with are the ones who have the same priorities and/or a similar lifestyle. I try to meet the ‘others’ outside of family time or when I get solo-mommy time, however as these moments are few and far between, those friendships suffer. Sad, huh?
Hence I took a reality check over summer. I miss my ‘other’ friends and (no offence), but I don’t really want to be the kind of person who only hangs out with mommies or those who are ‘like me’. That’s kind of exclusivist not to mention boring. Not only do I like being reminded what its like to be single or ‘BC’, being with different people gives me perspective so I don’t get sucked into the “mommy-world” of only talking about kids, their lives or my Thermomix (okay I lie, I have no idea what that thing does, but it sounds fabulous!).
So what to do? I decided next time I’m back I’m going to try to ‘repair’ a few relationships, stop approving people posting my face randomly on Facebook and try not to ask too many eager questions about a Thermomix (even though I am genuinely curious about something that cooks everything from scratch and also might mow the lawn).
Yeap, I should definitely try to evolve myself. And perhaps also accept that 10 years on, I have a slight interest in things such as a Thermomix.
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