There comes a time in every expat-mama’s life when the question arises as to whether to stay in a certain location or to leave. Sometimes that choice is not within your control and at other times it is. At this time of the year in Shanghai, it is common for many (who are able to make that choice) to contemplate this decision whilst others grieve that they have to leave or are in glee that they get to flee. Sometimes it's a combination of the grief and the glee, and witnessing or helping others negotiate these emotions helps to crystallise your own choices.
Our family was recently in a position of deciding whether to stay or go. We had the luxury of choice in a way, but also the pressure of a time limit. Our visas were to expire at the end of July and we had to find a new job. Should we stay or should we go? Given we had only been in Shanghai for twenty months, my husband and I felt we hadn’t had enough of the ‘China’ experience and our preference was to stay. Yet, like every parent, we had to question what we would compromise in order to get our ‘China fix’. Were our kids being educated to a standard we wanted? Was it a safe environment for them with daily water/food/air hazards? Were they growing up in ‘too fake’ a reality in the expat bubble? What of other considerations such as lifestyle, cultural roots and not growing up with extended family? Was it selfish of us (the parents) to want to stay, and are the ‘pros’ of living in China enough to outweigh the ‘cons’?
For my husband, the answer is a resounding ‘yes’. An addict to the China-chaos and growth-vibe, he can think of nowhere else he’d rather be. I can think of at least five other places however, I’m also in agreement that our experience has only scratched the surface and we need to see and learn more. I also feel that it took me a year just to figure out how to keep the house running without crying over spilt UHT milk, and now Yihaodian has an English app!! We can’t leave?!!
So we made the decision to stay, and I still don’t know if this is selfish or not. All I know is that for now, there’s something a little magical happening when I ask my two-year-old a question in English, she replies to me in Mandarin, or when my eight-year-old comes back breathless from school saying she’s learnt about the Terracotta warriors and she got to share that we’d just been to see them. I’m hoping that as long as I do my due diligence in learning where to purchase cod that doesn’t smell and water filters that doesn’t make our hair drop, I’m doing my best to provide a safe environment for everybody. In the long run I hope this is worth it because for now at least, it seems that our China-fix is also becoming a little of theirs.
Image by Shan Jiang
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