Shirani Alfreds is an expat mother of two living in Shanghai. She will be writing about her experiences in a regular "Dragon Mama" blog for Urban Family.
“Moooooom!! That’s so embarrassing!!! Everyone can read that!?” my 7-year-old exclaimed. I cringed inwardly as the "bad mom" feeling crept in. I had let her read some of these Urban Family blogs as not only does she read voraciously now, but is interested in writing and asked what type I do. Well, this blog is one "type".
If I’m honest I wanted to let her read a few posts anyway, curious about her reaction. I’ve had this nagging feeling at the back of my mind for a while that maybe I need to "check stuff" with her now given she’s older, reads everything and I write about her and her sister. Okay, it’s "anonymous" given I never mention names but the expat population in Shanghai is small right? So am I somehow infringing their right(s)?
It may sound a little paranoid, but what alerted me to this was an article saying how people blog about their kids, post naked photos in the name of cuteness and all sorts without really thinking through the consequences. Safety aside (we’ve all heard the stories of sickos tracking children’s whereabouts through Facebook), there’s the ‘digital footprint’ argument.
“You can’t erase the internet” and everything you write, blog, document by way of photos or otherwise is there. Forever. This creates a certain impression of your child, one they didn’t consent to or represent themselves with. What will they think when they grow up? It’s not fair and lets face it, probably legally actionable one day, if not already.
This resounded with me as someone who most definitely likes to speak for and represent herself.
Nothing drives me crazier than someone who claims to know what I think or feel and starts assuming things or developing a point of view from that. I like to say things the way I want to say them, thank you, which actually makes me a big fat hypocrite because when my oldest was born I enthusiastically started a blog from birth to one-year-old that documented life from her point of view.
Sure, people loved it, found it funny and it was useful for those overseas to keep up with us. I stopped when she was one, as I didn’t feel comfortable anymore given she could then speak for herself, literally. That was eight years ago and as blog literacy grew, I wasn’t sure if I was making our lives too public given I had followers I didn’t know personally.
So what’s ok? Friends I know inhabit the whole spectrum of “social parenting”. There are those that document every face, fart or food their kids make or consume, their naked cuteness in full glory. Then there are those who are vehemently against any photos of their kids on social media, also banning others from posting photos of their kids on Wechat.
A friend who has a children’s clothing business only puts photos of her kids from the side, from a distance or the back if they model, so they are unrecognizable. Then there are those (probably most of us) who utilize social media’s usefulness for keeping in touch with others (especially as expats) or for parenting support. Along the way though, unintentionally indiscreet photos might be shared or private problems and issues shared.
The thing is, now that I’m aware, there is no turning back as far as my conscience is concerned. As a result, I now have a second editor, one who is seven years old, has read this and has said its okay for me to submit.
I really hope this means I will not be sued in 20 years.
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