Shirani Alfreds is an expat mother of two living in Shanghai. She will be writing about her experiences in a regular "Dragon Mama" blog for Urban Family.
Every once in a while parents need a time out don’t you think? I don’t mean being punished in a corner for something wrong we’ve done, but a ‘time-out’ from caregiving or parenting. It might not be politically correct to say this but who doesn’t need a ‘time out’ now and then from one’s job? Parenting, after all, is kind of a ‘job’, and then some.
It requires more time, effort, responsibility, and more of ‘you’ than a regular one, so shouldn’t the principle apply to take a break now and then, especially since you don’t get weekends or annual leave? Some companies even give sabbaticals after a number of years of service, the assumption being that a stretch of time off allows you to refresh, indulge in your interests, maybe travel a little and come back with renewed energy and new perspectives leading to better productivity.
Of course a lengthy sabbatical is tough to translate to parenting (and might beg the question as to why you had children in the first place), but a mini-break, I reckon, is a great way to go. Without the luxury of childcare, it’s certainly tricky logistically, but if parents are willing to take turns, it really does wonders for the soul, and might even improve parenting!
I’d better say this again subjectively in case I offend the Perfect Parent tribe– a mini break does wonders for my soul and improves my parenting! I realize I might be biased when I write this as I had one such break, just last week actually, so I could be still on a bit of a holiday high. Therein lies yet another paradox of parenting as despite my ‘high’ after four days of no kids, before I left, my heart was breaking at the thought of leaving them. (Cue my one year old calling ‘Mama?’ plaintively from the bottom of the stairs if I go up. You think that was easy to leave?! She could have been calling that for days wondering where I was!! Then my seven year old burst into tears after at the airport). Yep, it was separation anxiety at its best – mine. Together with motherly guilt, my husband practically had to boot me out of the car to get on my plane.
The thing is, I didn’t leave to go on some debaucherous jaunt reliving my 20’s, I went to meet a friend I’ve known since high school. We decided it was time we ‘nurtured’ our friendship as between raising our three young children and living in different countries for the past 15 years, it’s been hard to have a proper conversation let alone finish a sentence. And what did we do?
We talked parenting, went to buy clothes for our kids and visited toyshops for Christmas. Okay, it’s not the only thing we did, but it kind of ‘proves’ that you can’t really escape this parenting gig even if you try! We’ve been rewired we realized, and whilst stuffing our faces with sushi and drinking sake, we discussed our evolved positions on politics, food, religion, agreed to disagree, (I did say it was a long overdue catch up!), and our children.
Maybe its just ‘us’? Or maybe it’s just me because if I didn’t FaceTime my kids twice a day to see their sweet faces, my heart physically hurt with the missing. This is in addition to playing videos of them I had on my phone. I’m pretty sure taking a sabbatical, would be counter-productive for me.
I missed them gravely this trip, but I also know that I came back from this mini-break not just overflowing with presents but with thankfulness for what I have, having appreciated it even more from afar. I have more energy, with better sleep and am more tolerant of the whining and fighting. It’s ironic, but you could say that my behavior and attitudes have certainly improved with a ‘time-out’.
[Image via Playbuzz]
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